The day the music almost died…
Last month I was frustrated with a lot of things: where I was in my “career”, being long distance from my life, my body image, and just a slew of other things. One thing in particular that was digging under my skin was that I felt like my blog was just at a total stalemate and there was nothing I could do about it. I hired photographers, I tried to pick up a few extra collaborations, I posted more frequently, and nothing felt right or seemed to be clicking.
So, instead of actually addressing what was going on, I decided that blogging was just not genuine. Trying to make everything look so perfect, writing in a witty and upbeat manner all the time, acting like I was way cooler than I actually am just all felt so fake. I wrote the entire thing off. I decided it was just the nature of blogging and that it was just for posers. I think this maybe made me feel like I was “above” being a successful blogger.
Then I was reminded of why I started blogging.
My last blog post was a more personal one where I talked about my journey in the fashion industry. I liked it, but I mean… I also am the one who wrote it. My plan was to make that post, wait a few days, then post my final Instagram picture on @kady.dyd where I would explain that although I was going to continue writing when I felt like it, the Instagram was being deleted and the promotions would end. But then something unexpected happened.
I got emails, text messages, and comments from friends, family, and total strangers about my post. They wanted advice on how to start blogging, guidance on how to get a job or move to a brand new city, and to just chat with me about life. That’s when it hit me. I started this whole thing to connect with people. Real, living, breathing people who related to me in some way or another.
Somewhere in the past year, that goal was severely swept under the rug.
I compared myself to every other blogger and tried to gain followers that wouldn’t naturally follow my blog. I tried to emulate the clean, bright, all white look many other bloggers are fantastic at. I imitated so many others and lost who I was as a fashion blogger and a person in the pursuit of being a popular influencer. The whole thing became an alter ego, but one that I didn’t even like. Hitting 10k followers was awesome, and I’m still extremely grateful for that, but all of the sudden, numbers were all that mattered.
Follower counts and likes were what I measured my self-worth and basis for success on.
Let me tell you, that is a brilliant way to set yourself up for some severe disappointment. And realizing this totally helped me have more empathy towards girls who maybe post things a little out there in order to achieve higher follower/like counts. Instagram becomes this weird alternate universe where you feel removed or detached from what you’re posting and saying because you’re receiving a positive response. You’re getting attention, and that slowly helps you blur the lines between who you are and who a group of followers might support you being.
I definitely lost myself in that process. I realized that blogging wasn’t disingenuous, I was.
I was trying to be something I wasn’t in order to gain likes and followers. I’m done with that, because frankly my dear, I just don’t give a damn anymore.
I’ve stopped actively seeking out new followers and spending hours trying to promote my blog to new people. I’ve already dropped over 100 followers, which a few months ago would’ve devastated me. Today, I understand that this just means that my blog isn’t right for those particular people.
If you want to follow my blog because you think I’m quirky, honest, and real, then you’ve come to the right place. If you’re looking for a super thin, gorgeous, whimsical fashion goddess, then there are hundreds of other bloggers I can point you towards for that. I’m not striking poses anymore or buying ridiculously expensive clothes to try and keep up appearances. I’m going to take candid, fun, or perspective pictures that I enjoy. Will I still edit my pics? Totally! That’s part of the fun. But from here on out, it’s going to be a reflection of my real life here in Dallas and I can’t wait to share it with you.
So here’s to ingenuity: the quality of being clever, original, and inventive. Here’s to a word whose synonyms are creativity, imagination, innovation, insight, perception, intuition, & inspiration. Let’s get real.