All photos of me taken by Chandler Grace Photography

Reduced to Ashes

June 8, 2017

 

“If something burns your soul with purpose and desire, it’s your duty to be reduced to ashes by it…”

~Charles Bukowski

 

The last 5-6 days, I’ve gotten up and started working around 8 am and haven’t gone to sleep until around 2 am. I took a 30-minute nap today and passed OUT. You could’ve stolen everything I owned, including the bed covers, and I would’ve stayed asleep.

 

My planner is scary looking, y’all. I can’t switch to a google calendar because it might actually make me cry to look at (also, you can’t cross stuff off, what’s the fun in that?).

 

At some point, I will run out of gas and be reduced to ashes, but it is all so much better than being bored. Finding purpose in my life is every bit as exciting as it is difficult. Giving up little luxuries like going to bed before 11 or actually eating lunch on my lunch break is just the beginning of the sacrifices I’ll make this year.

 

But I’m falling madly in love with my life again. I’ve always felt a greater purpose because of the God I serve, but life on earth has taken on an all new meaning recently.

 

Ya know what my pet peeve is? Vagueness, which is what I’m doing to you right now. Frustrating, isn’t it?

 

The truth is, I can’t release everything I’m up to at the moment because it’s all still brewing. Don’t worry, it’s almost time to reveal everything in full force. But just to tease you with some numbers: I’m working full time at Trunk Club, which has been very time demanding but also a major well of knowledge I get to drink from daily. I’m exploring some blogger/influencer collaboration projects. I’m talking with a company about some social media work. And my mother and I have something very exciting in the works. So, if you were keeping count, that takes up about 25 hours of the day.

 

Although I have a mini-panic attack about once a day because I just don’t feel like I can breathe or like anything is stable, when I go to bed at night I feel incredibly fulfilled. Even when it all seems overwhelming and like it will never all be finished, I somehow find the end of my to-do list.

 

So, what’s the point of this little post? It’s simple: Go for it. Do it.

 

Dream the dream. Work the late shift. Invest the paycheck. Start the company. Take the job. Date the guy. Have coffee with the stranger. Dye your hair. Go Skydiving. Volunteer anywhere. Move to a new city. Make a new friend. Take the second job. Give up free time. Turn hobbies to businesses.

 

Whatever it is, go for it. Make it happen now, because there is actually no better time than right now.

 

The phrase “Rome wasn’t built in a day,” takes on a whole new meaning for me every single day. If you know me, I’m not the most patient person in the world. Having multiple facets of my life labeled “Work in Progress” kind of gives me major anxiety, but I know that when they are all finished, I’ll look back and be so proud of what I did.

 

If you’ve already taken the jump and are right in the thick of things like I am: Keep going.

 

Push farther. Try harder. Work longer. Fall in love with it again. Ask for help. Take feedback. Then ask for help again. Change the plan. Edit the goal. Dream bigger. Cut yourself some slack. Take a long bath. Drink some wine. Get some sleep. Start over again tomorrow.

 

If you feel like a tiny row boat in the middle of the ocean right now, maybe let the waves overtake you and get lost in the depths. I’m constantly inspired by women around me who are swimming in the deep end. Women who are chasing their dreams, not just tweeting about them. Women who actually experience the grind, and don’t just post about it on Instagram. Those women inspire me and spark my creativity. Surround yourself with people who aren’t held back by boundaries or traditional beliefs so that your perspective can begin to shift too. I would love to hear about what you’re pursuing at the moment, so comment below!

 

Find your purpose, and let it reduce you to ashes. 

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